Television's top hosts devoted the airtime mocking former President Donald Trump's newly announced visa program, called the "gold card," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency system for the wealthy.
Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis
Starting his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday tune directed at the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, and then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... ruins everything he comes into contact with."
Colbert's target was the controversial initiative that enables overseas citizens to acquire U.S. residence for an investment of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" version for $5 million. A government website guarantees approval "in record time."
"A quick thought here to affluent applicants: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.
He pointed out that the card is also designed to "squeeze cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, with significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.
"The best vetting the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals absolutely meet the standard to be in America."
"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique
On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."
"It's a card that will allow affluent foreigners to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your selection."
"Perhaps it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.
Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the form, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."
"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers covering Grocery Concerns
On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging approval ratings amid financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he noted.
This week, in a attempt to discuss prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of grocery items, where he behaved peculiarly to some cereal.
"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."
"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"
Meyers concluded by mocking conservative media coverage of Trump's financial record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.
